Comedy Corner Underground

Hey there internet!

Welcome to the first ever comedy blog post for the Comedy Corner Underground (CCUG). 

(Almost) every week on Thursday we’ll be posting a new comedy blog from a guest blogger in the Minneapolis stand up comedy scene. If you’re reading this in 6 months and this is still the first post, you’ll know how well we did at organizing it. Every week will be totally different, as there’s no restraint on what comics are allowed to talk about. One week it might be Scott Brady unleashing his killer dick riddles, the next it might be Andy Erikson talking about unicorns or something. So come back every week to see what weird things the Minneapolis scene came up with this time.

That being said, here’s blog post #1 from the Godfather himself: Bob Edwards

I don’t know how many of you out there read tabloid websites on a daily basis, so let me bring you up to speed. A little over a month ago radaronline.com posted an article that was amazing. Of all the titles from every piece of news every written, none will ever do what this one will do to your brain.

To keep from possibly causing this to happen

I will reveal word by word (along with my thoughts as I read this) the full headline

Gordon

(Ok.)

Gordon Ramsay’s 

(Ok, who the fuck is Gordon Ramsay? Wait, he’s that inexplicably angry cooking guy, right? Right)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf

(Woah! You can get rich enough you get your own dwarf? Or wait, does he actually own him, or do they just hang out and that’s the nickname the dwarf guy got? Maybe I should keep reading this.) 

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn

(Was he making dwarf porn? Does he have a dwarf porn collection so large people think it’s weird? Is any size dwarf porn collection not weird? I guess they would all be small collections *WOAH ZINGER*. Why are you making zinger jokes to yourself, subconscious?)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double

(WTF?!?!?!? Dwarf Porn Double is a career? This dude could list his occupation on his taxes as Dwarf Porn Double? I mean, he probably calls himself an actor or something, but he could totally legally call himself that? WTF?!?)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found

(Well, now I know it’s going to be bad news. No matter where you find a Dwarf Porn Double it’s bad news)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead

(Awwww, poor little guy. I was just building up so much hope for his life and career. I was picturing him and Bridget the Midget with Weeman all hanging out. Mostly because those are now the only 3 midgets I’m fully aware of. Or sorry, “Little People”. On that note though, doesn’t little people sound way more insulting than midget?)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead In

(…)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead In A

(Please don’t say porn star.)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead In A Badger

(Please say porn star.)

Gordon Ramsay’s Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead In A Badger Den

(That… That doesn’t… Wait, WHAT? How the fuck does a dwarf (pornstar or not) go anywhere near a badger den? Were they shooting on site for Lord of the G-Strings Part 2: “The Two Cock Towers” and he got carried off? How do any of these words put next to one another make a real sentence? WHY THE FUCK DOES GORDON RAMSAY HAVE A PORN DOUBLE? How did I not ask that question before? Wait a second, are there other dwarf porn doubles? Does Megan Fox have a dwarf porn double? Do they call them DPD’s? PORNHUB HO!)

Sadly, it turns out Megan Fox doesn’t have a dwarf porn double. In fact, nobody you would want to see naked has a dwarf porn double. I think it’s time we started trying to find dwarf porn doubles for more attractive people. Maybe make a “Dwarf Butt Pirates of the Caribbean”?

For anyone who wants to read it, here is the original post

I think one of the best parts of the post is where someone calls it a gangland style murder. The dwarf porn industry must be as dangerous as boogie nights. I wonder if there’s a DPD for rollergirl? Pornhub, AWAY!

The Godfather