How to be a Comedian. A guest blog by Bill Young

I think that I can say, without ego, that I have performed stand up comedy more than once.  Over the last ten years I have performed in multiple U.S. states, over five comedy clubs and two colleges.  Hundreds of people have heard my jokes and some of them have even laughed when hearing the jokes.  I feel I have unlocked every secret of stand up comedy and I will share them with you, gentle reader so you can get on the fast track to being a working comic because that’s what this world needs.

Drugs.  

Drugs are, by far, the most important thing to do in comedy.  It’s not enough just to do drugs, though.  You need to have drugs, know where to get drugs and share drugs.  Remember this PSA from the 90’s?   Total bullshit.  If you want to hang with the cool kids then you better sit the fuck down and shove some drugs in you.  

Hate the Following Comedians.  

Carlos Mencia.

Carrot Top.

Jeff Dunham.

Dane Cook.

Everybody in the Blue Collar Comedy Tour except Ron White for some reason.  

If you’ve successfully hated all of the above listed comedians, you can move on to Advanced Comedian Ire and hate the following comedians for subtler reasons.  

Dennis Leary

Orney Adams

Dat Phan 

Deify Bill Hicks

Becoming a stand up comedian is not just about hating other comedians.  There’s also love.  Now that you are a comic Bill Hicks is your favorite comedian.  He’s the best comedian ever and it is now your duty to get offended if somebody says that somebody else is their favorite comedian.  

Be Incredibly Liberal

Stand up comedy is no place for conservative points of view.  In fact, as a comedian, you should pretty much just base your political beliefs on disagreeing with everything a conservative has to say from taxes to religion which brings us to our next topic.  

Be aggressively Atheist

You only don’t believe in God, you think other people who do are retarded and you have no problem telling them.  As far as you’re concerned religion has caused more pain in this world than Conservatives and Jeff Dunham combined.  

Take these simple tips and you’ll be featuring at a bar in the middle of North Dakota on a Thursday night in no time! 

Editors Note:

You can get more Bill Young over at his blog http://www.youngnotions.com/