Planning for the end - By Shannon Thompson
I sit here, typing this blog while ‘Cagney and Lacy: The Return’ is on my TV. I can’t help but think maybe I should be spending my last year on earth doing something better than watching Tyne Daley’s ankle swell.
December 21st, 2012. We all know what it is suppose to mean. The end of the Mayan calendar and the end of civilization. I have spent a little time thinking about this date, what it means and how it effects me. First off, let me say that I don’t really believe that the world will end on this date. In fact. I think the chances of the world ending on that day are about as good as Ron Paul’s chances of a black running mate. However, if I am wrong here is my game plan for the event.
Surviving the apocalypse isn’t in my plans. I am old enough to remember growing up without cable or Internet and I sure as shit don’t want to live like that again. My plan would be to find out where the focal point of the destruction is gonna start and be the first one in line there. I am sure I would have to camp out all night like it’s a Justin Bieber concert, because like me, there are others that would want to go out that way. It’s not that I am some morbid prick that hates life and wants out. It is really more about the fact that I don’t care for what the alternative would be.
Surviving would require knowledge, will power and being holed up in some kind of bunker/safe house. The first two items on this list are no problem for me, the third is a huge problem. I don’t know any dooms day survivalists to begin with, so I could only hope that some where out there is a nut job in a bunker with a copy of my ‘I’M With Bitchface’ cd.
Even if that happened the idea of being locked into a confined space with a fat, mouth breather with a pony tail seem like a bad idea for him. After a while you know food and water will become an issue. Cannibalism seems highly plausible and I don’t have the stomach to eat someones stomach. Lastly, boredom would be huge. We would all have to resort back to reading, telling stories and puppetry. The upside, there would probably be huge upswing in Stand Up Comedy. Maybe then I could finally play one of the Improvs.
Even if that happened the idea of being locked into a confined space with a fat, mouth breather with a pony tail seem like a bad idea for him. After a while you know food and water will become an issue. Cannibalism seems highly plausible and I don’t have the stomach to eat someones stomach. Lastly, boredom would be huge. We would all have to resort back to reading, telling stories and puppetry. The upside, there would probably be huge upswing in Stand Up Comedy. Maybe then I could finally play one of the Improvs.
